Really, you have to stop giving Facebook too much power in your breakup. The reality is that when you stay friends with an ex on Facebook you can both comfort yourselves that you’re ‘good people’ that can stay in touch and of course, you inadvertently hope that this will act as social proof to those that know you both. Now with Facebook, people can get even lazier and may not even bother with the perfunctory text or phonecall anymore, after all why bother when with a few clicks they can see how you’re doing and work out whether you’re miserable (they think you still want them) or happy (they think it’s time to mess up your life and get in touch). OK that, and the worst types are hoping they can line you up for a shag at a later date… Let me stress again – the great majority of the time when someone suggests being friends after the breakup or accepts your offer, it’s because it is the polite thing to do. I’ve always said – the reason why we want to stay friends with an ex is so that we can 1) not feel so bad (either that we’re not an assclown or that we’re not friend worthy), 2) keep tabs on them and 3) hopefully show them what they’re missing.įacebook has become the 21st century way of doing the insincere ‘let’s be friends’ after a breakup. Many of us are obsessed with being The Good Girl (or The Good Guy) so of course when you break up, you make the shady decision to be friends. Remember: There was once a time when we didn’t have to watch our ex parade their new piece around virtually or have to watch our backs online….that was only a few years ago! That means shutting out access to your ex on the likes of Facebook because whether it’s that you couldn’t cope with their updates the first, fifth or twentieth time, or they’re interfering in your life, or mutual friends are creating discomfort, you need space from them on Facebook too. Unless you have to see your ex each day (I had to sit across the office from one of mine), the less reminders you have of them the better. Even with the most friendly of partings, some space is needed and unless you have hide of rhino or have already moved on yourself, you’re going to find it pretty difficult if your ex is publicly moving on or looking like The Happiest Ex Alive. Your ex using Facebook to keep a foothold in your life, pry into your private life and generally make a nuisance out of themselves.īeing worried about how you’re perceived by mutual friends, their family etc post breakup or having these people create awkward situations for you.īut it doesn’t have to be this way or you can at least keep the angst to an absolute minimum. Trying to be the Good Girl/Good Guy and stay friends and then feeling entirely uncomfortable with watching them move on.īecoming obsessed with tracking your ex’s movements on Facebook. It’s on one hand brilliant for rubbernecking and on the other, it’s a painful kick in the teeth that reminds you that they’re moving on and…you’re not. However for the broken hearted (and the type of person hellbent on keeping a foothold in your life), it’s a very passive way of keeping tabs on your ex. Before, where you could break up in private, by opening yourself up to ‘sharing’ information about your life on Facebook, it means that you have to go through what can be quite a public and often painful process of breaking up online.įacebook is compelling because it’s a very passive way of getting a window into other people’s lives – you can snoop without feeling like a snooper. After experiencing massive growth in the last few years, it’s causing sleepless nights, compulsive urges, and arguments about being insensitive or why they were snooping around in your business in the first place. The most frequently mentioned source of online angst is of course Facebook. Now when you break up, along with lazy means of communication like text messages, email, and instant messenger, you now have to deal with Facebook and other forms of social networking. Keeping in touch has changed and so has breaking up.īack in ‘olden times’ you really had very little means of keeping in touch with someone or keeping tabs on them. Now, I get little snapshot glimpses into the worlds of people and I know stuff like who’s pregnant, who’s suffering with heartbreak, who got married, who’s sitting on the toilet, who spends too much time playing Farmville and I’ve even witnessed a nasty divorce unfolding. Before Facebook, I would never have been able to keep in touch with peeps I went to school with etc without having to go to much greater lengths and efforts.
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